Wow, alot has happened in the last many few weeks. I have so many thoughts that don't make it to my blog. Always circling is the environmental teaching, as I walk through a world that needs to change a bit more-- but sometimes there are vivid things I think are meant to be communicated.
The other day I got into a shouting match with a stranger. I have realized now that alot of people's weirdness and aggression comes from the stress of modern living, the burden of carrying the load so your family will survive-- I had had a really stressful day (these days are semi-new to me, I was protected from them as a mom for awhile), absolutely needing to meet a deadline, and not having met it, being forced to be late to pick up my kids. Talk about being in a grind-- between two forces, and panicked. After being with the kids, and entering their happy world, but very tired, we walked home from the bus with their friend Booms. We walk along a busy road, every day, and they are trained not to go into the road.
Still, Luke looked young and unpredictable as he paused on the footpath's corner, next to a roundabout. I barked an order at him not to move, which stopped him. But this seemed to bother a lady sitting in an SUV full of her friends and kids. I had caught up to Luke, and we were moving on, when she was called out of her car to me about being careful. Not in the mood for sidewalk judgment, at all, I called out, "So, you're going to judge me, are you?" in annoyance, and we moved along. She responded by revving around the corner and stopping. "So you're going to fight with me are you?" I said, the tired Mom. She jumped out of the car, and started to lambast me for my own benefit. Her son had had a close call last week. I excused myself by saying "I've got to get the kids out of the rain." This incensed the person, who started reacting, "Oh, get them out of the rain, when they could have gotten killed!" SUV driving mom probably never let her kids stand near a driveway, but some Moms actually walk with their children and take buses. Her kids gawked from the safety of their SUV. Then she really offended me by asking if they were all MY children (one of them is obviously Maori). Was I the Nanny? I had had enough. In my head, No. I am THE MOTHER. And I told her, LEAVE...ME...ALONE. She said threatenly, I'll could call the police on you!
Did she know me? Did she have any idea how careful of a mom I was? Did she know me at all? No, it was just a snap judgment from one moment on a kerb.
The whole point of this was, even a gentle, super-trying to be positive all the time, person, can be SQUISHED by the stress and pressure we are under today, and flip out. So it's just the urban grind that makes us all so negative.
I yelled at her, protecting what I had left of my personal deep self, on the edge as I was. I yelled at her and pointed at her as I walked away, and was far away. LEAVE--ME--ALONE!!!! At the top of my voice. Just like the Bronx.
The apes (of our ancestry) would have been proud.
